It's Out of My Hands

I've made in person visits.

I've dropped off resumes.

I've sent emails.

I've made phone calls.

I've in some way reached out to every school in a 1 hour radius of me that has job openings - and now there's really nothing else I can do, but wait.

It's really hard to explain what I'm feeling right now.  It's not sadness.  It's not anger.  Not even frustration.  I guess, it's more on the line of uncertainty or doubt... a mixture of both, maybe?

Four years ago, I walked in to my first college class with one thing on my mind - in four years I'll be a teacher.  You don't think about anything else.  You think about doing your course work, passing tests, and studying -so that you can become the best teacher possible.  You certainly don't think about putting in all that work to realize that you might not get the job you want... or any teaching job for that matter.

Even as little as a year ago, there was no doubt in my mind that I would finish school and find a job - even though at that time, it was common knowledge about how hard it was to find a teaching job.

I've never been the kind of person to doubt myself.  I've always worked hard for what I wanted - and ended up getting it.  Is this some form of punishment for being so confident?  Probably not.  It's more the simple fact that it's very hard to get a teaching job.  Simple as that.

Does it make me feel any better?  No.  But I'm not the only one in this situation.  There are so many people that haven't gotten jobs yet...some have...but not many. 

I've decided that I've done what I can do - for now.  There's no point in dwelling on it any more... if I'm meant to get a job, I'll get one.  If I don't - it won't be from a lack of trying. 

I'm not going to waste my summer away sitting in front of my computer or clutching my phone hoping that a call will come.  I'll keep checking the websites, I'll keep looking for new openings - but other than that, it's time to start letting go and enjoying my time off.

It's been four years since I've had some time off...away from work, or studying, or both.  My kids have missed me - and I've missed them.  It's time to spend some time with them, having some fun, letting go of some stress, and just enjoying the moments.

It's just out of my hands what happens next.