Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble

Now that I have my iPad - and a fancy keyboard that basically turns my iPad in to a laptop - I get more of an urge to write.

For the past couple of nights, I've come home from work and fired up the iPad and just wanted nothing more than to pound away at the keyboard with the first thoughts that pop in to my head.

Most of it ends up in the cyber garbage can...but I figure I could use this sudden urge to write to work on updating this blog more often. There's some crickets a chirpin at me from these parts of the woods. It's time to dust off this blog and start using it for what it's for. To catch all of the crazy, idol thoughts that pop in to my head.

I bet you'll never guess where my head is tonight. Yep, you guessed it...job hunting.

I'm just over a week away until the rush starts. That magical time when Benchmark is finally over, and principles can start thinking about how they're going to fill the vacant teaching spots that are starting to appear. It's like the Black Friday for teaching jobs. If you don't get in early, you're just going to be aimlessly walking around hoping that someone's missed one of the great deals.

I thought I might feel a little more confident by now. I mean, I'm working in a school. I got "my foot in the door" as they say. But, I don't feel confident. I'm terrified. Terrified because there doesn't appear to be any openings at my school...and even though I'm working in a huge school district - I don't have any other contacts other than the people I'm immediately working with.

It's like my student teaching year all over again.

Being a student teacher in a huge school district didn't help me get any interviews in any of the other schools in that district. Why I thought it would be different now, I don't know.

I keep telling myself to stay positive. Don't let my stress get the best of me. Don't start falling in to a panicked frenzy. Don't slip in to a routine of a mind numbing case of reaching out, receiving no response, and ending up crying in bed at night. I just can't let that happen.

I have a game plan. I've made out a list - and checked it twice. I've polished my resume and portfolio until they gleam with pride. Now, I'm going to have to put my destiny in fate's hands. The universe has a plan for me - I know it. I was born to teach - I know it. Now, hopefully the two will collide and finally complete everything I've ever dreamed of.

I truly believe that there was a reason I didn't find a teaching job last year. I was meant to end up in the position I'm in now. I've learned so much over the past school year. I've learned how to work with kids from all walks of life, from all backgrounds. I've learned how to work on different teams. I've learned about the value of school culture. I got a chance to live my first year "out in the real world" sitting on the side lines and soaking up more knowledge that will benefit me in my own classroom.

But now? I'm ready. I know it.

Next week is going to be stressful. It's Benchmark testing week. It will be a long week, a tough week - but I need to be strong for my kiddos. I need to be there for them. I need to support them every step of the way. And I shall.

I'm keeping the stress at bay. I'm hoping this blog will keep me straight. Fingers crossed.