Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Time Has Come... Once Again....

It feels weird to think that 10 days of 2012 have already passed.  Ten whole days.  I made a few resolutions, like getting back in to losing weight.  Then, there's the resolution that I really have no control over.  The resolution that makes my palms sweaty just thinking about.  The resolution to try, once again, to find a teaching job.

I know. It's only January.  It's far too early to be worrying about that.  But it's not.  Not for me.  It's all I've thought about since January of 2007 - the first time I stepped in to a college classroom. 

I wasn't planning on thinking about it yet.  It just kinda happened.  Someone I worked with casually asked me if I had started thinking about looking for a job...and that was it.  I was infected with the virus.  The virus that had my emotions doing a crazy dance for the majority of last year.  I didn't want the ride to start yet.  I thought I had another couple of months.  But, apparently, it's out of my control.

I keep telling myself that I won't drive myself nutso this time around.  I'll do what I have to do... but I'm not going to let myself fall in to a downward spiral of despair and frustration.  I know, who am I kidding, right?

This year is a little different, for now.  I'm working in a school.  That's a big start, but then again, I was in a school last year.  The plus side is that I'm not in a school with 5 other interns, all competing for one job.  No, now I'm in a school competing all by myself - but there's no guarantee that a job will come open for me or I'd even get hired for a job if one came available.  Another year of graduates will be walking across the stage this May.  Another pool of hopefuls all in the same position I was in last year.  Which makes my competition that much more fierce.

One thing I keep telling myself, though, is that this year if things don't go my way - I'm still employed.  I still have a position in a school.  Trying to stay as positive as I can. 

I've already started working on my resume and portfolio.  Don't want to be worrying about it at the last minute.  It keeps me hopeful, and reminds me that I've got a task in hand, goal in sight. 

I don't know how often I'll come here to complain vent explain how I'm feeling.  I'm going to use the blog for what it was intended for - to let off some steam when I have nowhere else to do it.  My other blog is still a mish mash of my life... but I don't want to consume it with job hunting.  No, I have this blog to do that.  No one will read it, I'm sure, but it makes me feel better.

Writing is my relief.  It could be drugs or alcohol or gambling.  I'm blessed that I use writing as my way of getting the blues out and making myself feel better.  Goes to show how much I should be a teacher, right?  Yeah, I think so too.

I'll probably be showing my face a lot more around here, now that I've got the job hunting virus.  I just hope with everything inside of me that this is the year I can start a blog post with I GOT A TEACHING JOB!!  One step at a time, Joanna, one step at a time.


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