Monday, May 30, 2011

Sorting and Packing...and Hoping It's Temporary

Wow - it's been almost two weeks since I've updated...and I've had another interview in that time span.

Last Wednesday (the 25th) I had another interview.  It was for a third grade position - my dream grade.  The interview went really well.  The principal was super nice, the team was super was all upbeat and fun.  Who would of thought I'd use the word "fun" to describe an interview?  The whole time I felt confident - and impressed myself with some of the answers.

I wish I could say that I walked out of there with a feeling in my stomach that I had it in the bag.. but I didn't.  Yeah, the interview went well, but hearing the principal say "well, you understand we're interviewing a lot of we should be able to let you know something next week" deflated me instantly.

It's not uncommon for the principal - or any prospective boss - to make that statement at the end of an interview.  I've heard those words many times before... but I still had some inclining of how well I did, and kind of knew in the pit of my stomach that I had the job.  I didn't feel that way this time.  In fact, I felt exactly the same as I did when I walked out of the last interview.  I felt that the interview went great - but I just didn't think I had made the cut.

I won't know anything for sure until this week - hopefully.  The waiting is torturous.  It's like someone having a rope tied around my stomach - and it's not going to come loose until I have an answer.

Today, I'm sorting and packing away all of my teaching supplies.  It's bittersweet.  I don't want to pack everything up...I want to be moving it all into my own classroom.  Unfortunately, that may not happen for a while - so it's being packed up into storage...for now.

I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster with my emotions right now.  There are days when I'm feeling stomach isn't churning, my palms aren't sweaty, and I'm not freaking out.  Then there are the "other days".  I feel like I'm slowly being pulled up hill - knowing that there's a fast down hill coming.  I get nervous, I get scared....what if the hill just keeps going up?  Will I get a chance to sail down the other side full of excitement and joy?  I hope so.

This time last month, I was being told left and right not to panic.  I was told that May is a big month for interviewing - and I'd bound to start hearing from schools.  I heard from one.  Now, it's just two days until June.  The jobs are disappearing - people are getting interviews and jobs...I'm not.

I hate being such a Debbie Downer.  It's not me.  I tell myself that I'm going to be OK - I'll survive if I don't get a teaching job next year.  I was doing great before the interview...then those feelings start setting in again.  Hope is just in front of my fingertips, but no matter how far I reach - it's still just a little too far away for me to grab. 

I made the decision on Friday not to sub any more this school year.  It may not be the smartest move - but I had situations out of my control that caused the sudden decision.  Hopefully, the time off will give me some much needed time with the kids - and give me some time to get my mind cleared.  I'm already planning some fun activities to do over the next week...I'm excited about it.

Well, I should get back to cleaning and sorting.


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