Another Interview - Another Job Gone

Yesterday, I interviewed at the school that I'm currently interning for.  I interviewed with the principle, assistant principal, and the 1st grade team.

Going in, I was nervous.  No, petrified.  I've decided it's SO much harder interviewing with people I know.

I tried to hold on to my nerves and do the best that I could.

I think I did.

Again, I answered all of the questions honestly and passionately.

It went by quickly.  Maybe a little too quickly?

I don't know.

At the end of the interview, the principle told me that they were interviewing a lot of people and that I should know something in a couple of weeks.

I was OK with that.

I was feeling OK today, that was until I found out that an intern was hired yesterday.  Not at my school, another school.  I'm not sure why the information jolted me so bad, but it did.  It made me even more nervous and even more scared for the weeks to come.

What if I don't get any more interviews?  There's only one position available at the school I'm in - and the principle is interviewing A LOT of people.

I've visited schools, I've dropped off resumes, I've emailed principles.  Haven't heard anything except a couple of "thanks, we'll keep you in mind" responses.

I keep being told not to worry, that it's early, that there's still lots of time left to get a call or an interview.  Then I hear that schools have filled positions.  Positions are slipping away.  I haven't heard from any of them. 

Am I scared?  Of course I am.  Everyone has faith in me.  Everyone keeps telling me that something will come up.  I'm not so sure.

I've never doubted myself before.  I've always been pretty confident that things will eventually fall in to place... but never when it's something I REALLY want. 

This isn't just about finding a job.  This is fulfilling my dream...my lifelong dream.  Am I lucky enough to have my dreams come true?  Is it about luck?  I think so.  I know I'm a great teacher - I've been told I'm a great teacher.... but unless I find a principle that's willing to take my word and the word of teachers I've worked with on it I really don't have any hope.

I keep being told that it's not the end of the world if I don't find something this year.  I can always sub next year.  Well, that may be true for a lot of people - but I have 3 kids to support.  I really can't financially sit by the phone every day and hope that a teacher calls in to work and that I can fill her shoes for that day. 

I'm rambling.  I know.

I can't help it.

I'm terrified. 

I just want a chance.  One chance.  A principle that will give me that chance.  I know that I will make him/her proud - glad that they took that chance on me.

Please keep me in your prayers, thoughts, cross your fingers, your toes, and anything else you can possible cross.  Please send me good vibes.  I need all that I can take right now.

The fear has taken over.