If I Will It...Will It Happen??

The job search saga continues....although this week has been pretty productive.

I had an interview at DHS on Monday.  It's for a job that has absolutely no relation to working with kids... but it's a job, and like I said before... I'm not passing anything up.

The interview went well.  The woman seemed to like me.  The problem is, it's going to be a couple of weeks before I hear anything.  And they don't expect anyone to start until August 22nd.

That afternoon, I received a call about a position working with preschool children - specializing in kids that have come from abusive homes.  I interviewed for that position yesterday morning.

Walking in, I really had mixed emotions about the position.  I was told that the position is not teaching, but working as an assistant to the lead teacher.  The classes are very small, and the children all come from various situations - all involving some form of abuse, either sexual, physical, or emotional.  My duties would include being the person that helps with behavioral management....more like a counselor type position than teaching. 

Walking out, I was excited - and realized it's a job I'd enjoy doing.

Now, it's just time to sit and wait...again.

The summer is coming to an end - and I've been told by many that teaching jobs start to open up this time of year.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  I'm sure that there's something out there for me.  I'm hoping if my will is strong enough - it will find me.

Holding It All In

I've been trying so hard....to remain calm, to not get emotional, to just take one day at a time.

It's been hard, and it gets harder every day.

Jobs have evaporated... they're all gone.  I'm hoping with everything inside that more jobs will start to come available, but I'm now worrying that principles won't interview anymore - and just take people that they've already interviewed for other positions.

Every time my phone rings, and it's a number I don't recognize, my heart skips a beat - my stomach churns... could this be the call I've been waiting for?  Is it an interview?  It's so hard living like this.

I've become obsessed with checking my email.  I think more to just get a response to an inquiry...will someone respond?

I come here, because it's the one place I can let out how I'm really feeling.

Daily I get asked the question "found anything yet?"  I put that smile on my face and respond with a cheery "not yet, but I'm not giving up hope".

That's true - yet I want to scream "NO! I haven't found anything yet.  I'm heartbroken.  I'm scared. Why can't I get a job?  Why won't someone give me a chance?"  I don't. Of course.  I can't.

Every morning, I still check every school website.  I check job posting pages for other jobs - education related.  I even make daily trips to Craigslist - cause maybe there will be something on there.  It's becoming a part of my normal routine... I just can't give up.

I hate feeling so much desperation.  I hate feeling so much resentment.

I see postings of friends who have found positions - and in steps that smile again...that smile that tells them I'm happy for them, why I'm screaming and crying on the inside.

I feel like a broken record.  I can't imagine that anyone is actually reading this - or enjoying it if they are. 

Writing is just my release - it's how I keep myself in check...get my calmness back...and cool down.

I'm living my life each day.  I keep my positivity in check.  I'm enjoying my time with the kids.  My time off is giving me a lot of time to think..that's good and bad.

Having free time gives me time to worry, to panic...to look at each day as another day passing by without a job.  It also gives me time to clean my house, write, read, and take my kids out.  I love every minute.  I hate every minute.

Once again, another replay of the same ol' same ol' that has consumed this blog.

Everyone say a prayer.  Cross your fingers.  Send positive vibes.

Maybe, just maybe, the next post I share is a lot more positive....I'm praying that the next post can be one that shares the news of a new job - or at least an  interview.  Think of me - please?

Enjoying the Summer

I can't believe it's already July.  Where does the time go?

Well, no surprise - I didn't get the job at the Catholic school.  Didn't even get a turn-down phone call, email, or Dear John letter.  I emailed the principal to check on the job - he emailed me back telling me I'd get a definite answer the following Friday....I waited...nothing.

It's frustrating when stuff like that happens.  Just let me know - I'm a big girl... I can take bad news.

Oh well, it was no shock.  Not a big deal.

Job hunting since has pretty much been at a stand still.  I did interview, today, for a position at Head Start.  They have a few teaching positions open.  The interview went well - but it will be a couple of weeks before I hear anything.

Apart from that, I've just been enjoying my summer. 

Got my first experience with camping two weeks ago.  It was so hot - but so much fun.  I went with my parents to the lake, slept in a tent, fished, had food cooked on an open fire, and swam.... good times. 

For the 4th, I took Jelly and my brother out to a local festival.  It was a lot of fun.  That evening, we had a big BBQ dinner - and then went back to the festival to watch fireworks.

Today, I'm going back to my parent's house and going to the river with the kiddos.  I'm really starting to enjoy doing stuff like this....it's fun, relaxing, and great times with the kids.

I've decided to live in the moment more...not worry too much about what's going to happen next week, next month, or months from now. I don't get the opportunity to spend so much time with my kids very often - so it's time to make these moments count.

I'm still positive that, when the time is right, I'll find the job I'm supposed to have.  Until then?  I'm enjoying my summer!!